UNAFFECTED....

what if u want to forget that person who once mad you feel so special. That there is something in u, that makes him so damn happy he have you in his life.? then all of the sudden, the feelings all went down to zero? all the laughters got drained-to-death?! what will u do?

So tama bang i-cut mo na lang all the possible ways na magkaron pa kayo ulit ng communication?!! change your cell no.? forget all the stuffs na pag nakikita mo naaalala mu xa?? ung kitchie combo meal? ung mga simpleng katatawanan na kayong dalwa lang ang nakakaintindi?! Yung parang pag kayo na yung magkausap, wala na kayong pakealam sa ibang tao? then bigla na lang mawawala? walang formal closure? WALNG PUTANGINANG KAHIT ANO?! Then ngayon you'll see him na with somebody new, ikaw?! Ano?! Ano mei?! wala. Para kang SOUR LOSER. all the while, umaasa ka na mauulit ulit?! aNo?! wala kang napala........ putangina. tanga ka!. oh anong gagawin mo?! titingnan mo na lang ng titingnan yung picture nila? on how they're whatsoever blossoms?! Putangina! ang tanga mo tlga!!


BAKIT XE NDI MO PA I-DELETE?! I DLETE MO NA! TUTAL NAMAN, HINDI NAMAN NA FRIEND ANG TINGIN MO SA KANYA?!!! SO WHAT'S THE USE HOLDING ON LONGER?!! ANO?!! PUTA MASOKISTA KA BA?!! ;(








TULONG NGA!! I'm fucked-up. i want to go. some where nobody else could see me bleed....................

matagal na.. walang kahit ano. text / tawag o kahit anong simpleng komunikasyon na usual na samen dati. tagal na talaga. in the past mos. of april & may, i guess; matatag na talaga kong matatawag. xe pag napapag-uspan namin xa nung common friend namin,. ala na. natatawa na lang ako, habang nirerecall yung samen dalwa dati. strong na nga ako. pwede! kaya lang it all came back to me, recently.. after having my last summer vacation out of town. masaya. i can say. sumaya tlga ko. dahil xma ko ung lahat ng mga taong nagpapasaya saken. pamilya ko, at mga bagong kilalang kaibigan. pagbalik ko, okay. i was in a trance pa rin of my vacation. or something like that. Nung inopen ko ung friendster ko, it was as if tadhana was trying to put us back together, i felt a chill, nung nakita ko na i've received messages. One of which was from 'him'. Kala ko he missed me, kala ko he'll ask how my life is during that time, well; un ung naisip ko bago ko tlga i-click ung message nia to open. To my surprise, he just told me na kinuha daw nya ung codes ko via view source of some sort, without me knowing it. "NINAKAW" nia in short ung mga codes sa site ko ng ganon lang. while i'm away. POOTAH.. I felt anguish & boiling blood goin straight to my head while repeatingly readin' that stupid message. Pag enter ko sa site nia, Lahat ng asa site ko andon. & worst part of it; when i tried to open yung site nung girl na she's into na ngaun, binigay nia rin dun lahat! WHAT THE FUCK.

after sendin him my reply to that message, calm & civilly done, i din't get any reply from him then. tapos, after few days, i tried askin him again how'd he do it. I went direct to the point. Galit ako, & so i put down into writing everything that i'm feeling at that very instant. I told him, na galit ako sa ginawa nia. He should've asked to me directly for the codes he wanted, pero he invaded my right to privacy. & it simply means, He has no respect for me.Kahit sa ganong kasimpleng bagay, dapat alam nia kung ano ung salitang RESPETO. hindi nia alam, xe nga TANGA xa. I even told him na i-delete nia na lang ako sa list nia. Kahit na it's easier na ako na ung mag-delete, but still i want him to be manly enough to do that act. i logged out after sending him that.
Then after 3 hours, i logged in again. He replied. F-U-C-K! Kya naman nia palang mag-reply ng ganong kabilis, bakit di nia ginawa nung una pa?! para hindi na nagkaron ng ROUND TWO ung message ko sa kania di ba naman!! He told me na i-eerase na lang daw nia ung codes.. Ako daw ang mag-decide kung gusto ko xang i-delete. Then i told him again na sa kanya na ung codes. Dahil una sa lahat, hiningi ko rin lang naman un, i'm not the one who produced those shits, kaya wala akong karapatang Ipagdamot un. I'm not that cheap kind na ifflaunt off ang isang bagay na i sincerely know na hindi naman ako yung nagpakahirap gumawa. THAT'S FOUL. PATHETICALLY F-O-U-L.

then he sent me a plain "sori" message. I felt though at that very moment he was sincere. I felt it in the message. But his apology is too late.The Anger that i'm feeling for him is stucked in my head for sometime now, & i don't think it'll leave anytime soon. Plus the fact that he have the guts pa to share it wit that girl, na siguro he's trying to make papogi, My heart is bruised. & fucked-up i should say.

Now, AS in now, today; July 06, 06; He just added a new photo on his friendster. I din't practically opened his site, pero i saw it in my home page. He made a collage of their pictures, some group pics. But i noticed he posted a picture of the .......... yah. nOw; i'm feeling emotionally constipated again. I'm over him. I know. ThAt's what i'm trying to make believe. I know. I should know better. But what the hell is wrong with me? Puta!! Puta talaga! this is so not me. I'm strong. My friends told me that a lot of times. I'm a fighter. I'm tough to crack. But what the hell is really wrong with me?!!! NASASAKTAN TLGA KO. Di ko xe alam kung pano matatapos tong katarantaduhan na nafifeel ko. Sinsabi ng isip ko, burahin ko na lang xa sa friend's list ko. That easy. At least wala na kong makikitang updates, on how sweet they are, blah..blah..bullshits. Kaya lang i don't want to be the one that will look like on "The losing end", got my point?? He'll just simply think of it na, i'm still not over him, na naririnde lang ako sa nakikita ko.. na ganon. putangina. What should i do??! Dapat ba idelete ko na xa don?!! Please help naman..